


Kiss Of Life

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Romance, Sex, Time Turner, mating for life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 21:27:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5943688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was commanded by Sirius to write his POV after reading Luna's incredible Barely Breathing</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss Of Life

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

_There was a time you let me know / What's real and going on below / But now you never show it to me, do you? / And remember when I moved in you? / The holy dark was moving too / And every breath we drew was Hallelujah_

~Rufus Wainwright ~

++++

Does Moony know, oh sweet Merlin, does Moony know. What if the wolf does know...then Remus knows... knows I suspect him. I've got to get up. Got to get away!

But no...can't leave, can't leave ...so good, so fucking good... so real...so Remus...just for a moment. Just for a moment he's mine...pouring himself into me, loving me like he did before. And for a moment I'm his...his Padfoot...his mate. I realize in this instant, I'd do anything for him. Not just for my precious Remus who comforts me in the dark hours of daylight, but also for the wolf...my Moony... **my** mate.

Oh god what am I doing? Now, move now! I may not be able to leave, leave here ...leave him, but I have to get away...away from those eyes.

How could it come to this? My best friend's life is in my hands and I can't help but lie in the bed of the one who would be his deliverer to the demon of death.

I push him away, wincing with pain at the sudden loss of his flesh within my own. Averting my guilt- ridden gaze, I stare at the floor as his beautiful body drops trembling to the tangled sheets, trembling, quivering and gasping from the force of the wolf's release. So beautiful... even now...still so beautiful.

Painfully I pull the constricting fabric of too tight trousers over my still straining erection. The sting from scratches and bites reminding me of the thirst for this golden creature that I can no longer allow to be quenched. Instead I drown my lost and lonely soul in the waves of liquid oblivion that flow freely from bottle to lips. A tiny trickle escaping the confines of my greedy mouth, a mouth whose true desire is now hidden from view by shapeless robes as he joins me in the darkened den. For an endless instant his hand is on mine has he takes the bottle, joining me in the fiery forgetfulness. A brew more bitter than cold tea, but sweet as sugar quills compared to the burning bile of my mind's bastardization, with which all his words and glances are twisted by the fear and suspicion that has somehow crept within my soul.

Reclaiming the bottle, I silently toast a decision that was really made long ago. A vow made in blood that I will never be able or willing to break.

Yet still it hurts to abandon those you love.

One last swallow and I spiral into a dark delirium, wondering if this is how it sears the soul of a star to burn into nothing as it shoots across the sky, meeting its final destiny. Then the bottle slips from my fingers and my own downward spiral is stopped by strong loving arms; I remember nothing else except that my life will never be the same.

Silently he hovers over me, protectively, lovingly. Finally he covers me with the soft woolen blanket that's warmed our sex-moistened flesh on many moon-kissed nights. I've been awake far longer than he realizes thanking whatever deity cared to listen for the guise of sleeping off an expected hangover. In actuality I've been trying to decide when to tell him of my plans. As I curl into the comfortable cover I inhale deeply drowning in the scent of mint, chocolate, whiskey and sex. I'll tell him tonight, I decide. If I try to tell him now I may never leave, I may instead greet the golden eyes that are fixed on my flowing raven tresses, and fall under their spell. And in their depths I'll be consumed, caring not if the live giving bellows within my flesh ever rise or fall again.

At last, resolute in my plan, I slowly flutter my sleep locked lids and run my hands through the tangled ebony strands that fall around my shoulders; and as I meet my lovers pain ravaged face I know I have made the right choice...the only choice.

Even though it is almost late enough for dinner, as expected he offers me tea and breakfast, anything to keep me within his sight and sense even a minute longer. But no, I tell him, I really must go.

Again I question my plan as I button my shirt and a third time as I tug on my battered boots, battered like the trust that long ago defined our love and friendship.

I stop at the door and risk a glance at the marvelous mate whom tonight I will welcome within my body's warm embrace. Tonight I will beg him to mark me again as he's done so many times before. Tonight I will stay within the warmth of his arms and his soul, drinking in only the beauty that is Remus. For finally I realize my fear is not of my mate but of myself... my mate is but my undoing. I know now that that is the reason I begged Jamie to switch, not that I would divulge my godson's hiding place while drunk, babbling bullshit that would endanger Lily and James. No these things would never happen. It was the wholeness...the oneness that I found with this fey creature so long ago that made me step away from keeping secrets.

If Voldemort had wanted the secrets I had been asked to keep he would only have had to threaten Remus with harm of any kind. Even if my golden glow of moonshine was allied with the dark, Voldemort would not hesitate to hurt him, knowing that I would do anything to keep him from harm. James had understood and chosen Peter as I suggested. Prongs knew that if the roles were reversed and it was Lily being threatened, her life would come first as Re's always would for me.

Tonight I will tell him...tell him we've changed and that James and Lily will move to a new safer place, one that neither Remus nor I know. All I have to do now is check on Peter then I can come back home...no, I can't tell him now, I'll never go...so I force a smile and turn to leave...I'll tell him tonight, when James is safe and I am home in the arms of the one who loves me ...it'll be a perfect Halloween.

~++~++~++~

As I settle my muzzle along side the still ageless face of my beautiful mate the moisture of his weak panting gasps ghost across my cool damp nose. Barely breathing he trembles, curled on the same tattered couch I occupied a lifetime ago.

When I first arrived over a fortnight past, I offered to take my rest in the spot he now lays, but the molten honey eyes of my forever love froze in terror at the very mention of such a painful idea. The thought reliving the sight of my long limbs sprawled in sleep on the shabby sofa, covered once again by the perfectly preserved woolen spread that blanketed me almost fifteen years before had burned his heart as surly as silver would scar his flesh. But at the time of my arrival I did not realize the living hell in which even his fondest memories burned.

The still stunning werewolf, who took me as his mate at the tender age of sixteen, did not need demons hooded in black to suck the sweetness from his memories. No, his silver tongued lover had kissed away the joy of breathing in life's beauty long before those horrible dark days that followed James and Lily' deaths.

It took me the better part of a week to finally glimpse what his heart saw when I would lay on the sofa or leave a room before he did. They were the images of neatly folded clothes and empty whiskey bottles, my amber amnesia, that were his ever-present hell. And although my eyes are now alive with love and gratitude for his warm acceptance to his home, in these eyes he still sees the terrors of nights long past. Nights when I feared him, mistrusted him, hurt him...left him.

Left him trembling on sweat soaked sheets, after being so brutally evicted from the warmth of my body's embrace. Left him staring after me as I walked out of his life for well over four thousand days, and almost two hundred moons. Left him with not only the pain of a lover's betrayal, but the double- edged agony of self-loathing and guilt. Knowing that even his mate saw darkness in the corners of his soul, though in truth the shadows hid only the pain he was too proud to unveil, even for my private viewing.

If I ever wish to live again, it is this pain, which is now my lover's mate, which I must lay siege to. Surrounding it with love and assurance, soothing it and silencing it. Only then will the bars of our prison truly crumble.

The first time we were able to brave bitter mentions of the past I tearfully told him all the plans and promises I should have voiced before I pulled the door shut on that chilly October afternoon. He believes me and he forgives me, knowing that each second of my six million minutes in Azkaban were spent regretting the decisions of a confused twenty-one year old that trusted in love just a little too late. He does all these things for me, because he loves me...yet, he does not invite me to his bed, not even for the innocence of simple sleep, for that is where sheets can be twisted just as lover's hearts can be easily torn asunder and lost to each other.

He does not allow me to touch him, but every night we've sat side by side as we've talked long into the night and drifted into silent slumber within the safety of each other's view, staying always in front of the fire, with blankets I do not recognize to ward off the chill of pain and fear. No matter how often I awake, he is watching me...be it midnight or nearly dawn, fearing my presence is but a cruel joke, terrified that if he dares to delve within the carnal embrace, I know without a doubt we both desire, I will cast him out and abandon him to live within his lonely soul once more. I don't believe he has slept for more than a few restless moments since I arrived, that is...until this morning.

Yesterday was the full moon and I spent all my waking hours as Padfoot, never leaving his side. Knowing that in my canine form I could walk much closer to him or lay my head in his lap when he sat down to read. This time I'm certain he knows what is going through my mind. I want him to know... to realize that the unconditional love and security that Padfoot offers to Moony is also promised to him. Each time he sneaked a quick glance into the misty blue eyes of the large black dog, I sought to reassure him that I wanted nothing more than to run with the regal wolf during his moon time. Run with him under the rich amber autumn moon, curl together under the stars and know that this time it would be forever. Perhaps if the wolf could be won then so could the wonderful man who held his soul. But now even with terror of transformation tugging at his heart and the wolf's desires running wild with in his thoughts, the oh so outwardly calm professor still refused or possibly desired to touch the big black presence of his past. Not even to run elegant fingers through the soft silken fur he'd always loved to touch...not even a gentle scratch behind the ears was I allowed to cherish.

As moonrise drew near I was afraid he would insist on being locked in the cellar, separating us from memories of long ago...memories that had the power to reunite lovers or redefine a relationship forever. In the end he merely requested that I turn my four- legged frame away from him until the transformation was complete. I barked once in reluctant agreement but was powerless to keep my promise as the pain of transformation racked through his bending and breaking body.

In those moments as Padfoot stood by watching the transformation that would bring another heart into the mix of already mangled emotions, I realized his reluctance to have me gaze upon him even through canine eyes. The wolf, whom I was about to face after fifteen years apart, had marked the passing of each mate-less moon upon the flesh of my love with brutal bites and gruesome gashes. Knowing he was now powerless to stop me I openly defied the proud werewolf's request and did what I truly believed he wanted; I stayed by his side gently nuzzling in tawny hair and against alabaster flesh until at last the wolf stood before me.

Moony's heart held no grudge and entertained no misconceptions; this was not a mate to be claimed. The two human souls that loomed close by would not allow it...not this night. So off we went on a merry chase through woods and fields, steams and star-kissed paths.

Only once while wrestling in the late summer flowers did the wolf's sexual frustration result in bites and scratches to what would be my mates bruised and bleeding flesh. This one attack I stopped the only way Padfoot knew how... with a swift lick to the muzzle and a gentle caress, a promise that I wouldn't give-up on him or his human host. The short moon time hours of August passed swiftly and just before moonset we returned to the cottage that Remus would be close to his clothes, wand and bed.

Persistently I guided the wolf as near to the sofa as I could insuring my tawny haired friend the shortest travel distance possible to a place of comfortable rest. Fortunately my mate's lack of sleep also drained the wolf of his stamina making the transformation back to human form far easier than many he'd experienced. Determined to remain in Padfoot persona even after Remus was settled on the sofa, I turned my attention to the dog's first instinct, making whole that which was broken. Not knowing if the quietly moaning wizard whose heart held my own was awake or not I risked a lifetime of loneliness and began laving the past scars and open cuts on his chest; each lick of my tongue an apology for the atrocities my actions had culminated in, each lick a declaration of love for the man, and beast I could not live without.

Remus stirred only twice throughout the long afternoon, as I fought the overwhelming exhaustion that threatened to conquer me. I had stayed awake the all the previous day, even while Remus napped, determined to meet his always frightened stare each time he abruptly sat up searching for a mate he assumed had fled. Each time he met my gaze then silently drifted back to the nightmares my presences seemed to cause.

Laying my muzzle on the sofa, I continued to watch the shuttered rise and fall of his narrow chest desperately fighting to keep my eyes open knowing that soon my friend would wake and I then would know if my efforts would be rewarded. Just a touch...I'd be so grateful for just a touch.

As at last my eyes began to close, I suddenly felt the amber orbs of the only lover I had ever known staring with disbelief into my own. Slowly Remus swung his slender pale feet to the floor and gently rose to a sitting position that was obviously taking a great deal of effort to maintain. I wanted nothing more than to jump to his side and wrap my arms around his trembling shoulders, but still I fought the urge to transform somehow knowing that it was not yet time. After a few moments of fighting the aching muscles of his back he rose to his full height and turned in the direction of the hallway, but to my surprise stopped his progress after only one step, bent painfully at the waist and gently reached out with long slender fingers to stroke the side of my nose. With the same look of agony Remus straightened without a word and walked with stiff slow steps to the far too distant bathroom.

Inside the dog the human cried.

I don't believe I moved a whisker while the door to the bath remained closed. When at last the now showered and shaved werewolf emerged I meet the golden glow of Moony's shared orbs, amazed as always by the beauty that defined Remus Lupin, heart, body and soul, as he stood leaning against the door frame.

Silently my mysterious tawny and silver haired friend padded into the bedroom and gracefully stretched across green cotton sheets. This was the first time since my arrival that his chamber doors had not be soundlessly closed behind him...I knew an invitation when one was extended... and Padfoot eagerly accepted.

Jumping onto the bed I remained in canine form knowing that rejection would be better handled by dog than man. Crawling on my belly to the head of the bed I curled next to the amber and alabaster angel who lay naked under soft cool covers. Staring into the eyes I'd loved from the age of fifteen but had seen only in my heart for countless Azkaban nights, I waited for direction.

'Change...please'

Two words, that when spoken together by a sweet honeyed voice, had the power to release tears and change lives. I transformed then. No longer able to contain the emotional release his simple words had set free I lay shaking in the strong slim arms of my mate...my lover...my life for the first time in fourteen years.

Finally I pulled back far enough to meet the misty amber pools that highlighted my lovers tear streaked face and silently asked permission to atone for my past transgressions. I was mercifully answered by the searing pleasure of sweet swollen lips melting into my own. Pressing, pulsing lips that quickly parted to allow anxiously awaiting tongues to tangle and twist, mirroring the desperate desires of hungry hands and quivering cocks. Oh gods yes we wanted each other, but was my long celibate mate really ready to replay the memory of a time when the joining of flesh served only to tear us further apart? Answering the unasked question of my heart, two lust-dilated eyes met my own as a long teasing finger circled inside the waistband of my muggle jeans, tugging softly at my tee- shirt as it moved.

Needing no further indication as to his desires I slowly disrobed under the fiery yet still fearful gaze of the softly growling werewolf. Continuously seeking to reassure my emotionally scarred lover of my commitment, I made certain to toss my clothes as far from the bed as possible. The simple gesture was not lost on my grateful mate who gently lowered my now naked flesh to lie beneath his own.

Just as words were not needed to tear us from each other that night so long ago, no words were spoken as hearts and flesh joined in a gentle rolling rhythm that lasted far longer than either of us dreamed possible. Already linked in love by legs, arms, lips and hard throbbing length, Remus' skilled reverent hand completed the connection as he stroked my weeping erection in perfect counterpoint to my now quickly bucking hips. Our soft suckling kisses met in short loving touches as amber and sapphire fought to stay locked as one, finally facing that which we had feared and allowed to come between us... the power of the wolf. His passion now unleashed we plummeted toward the pulse pounding perfection that proclaimed our unison release.

Pulling my trembling mate within the circle of my own shaking arms I cried real tears for the first time in fourteen years as my now trusting mate marked me as his own...the blending of blood above and seed below bonding us anew now and forever.

The night was still early and this breathtakingly beautiful ritual would be repeated over and over again through out the moonlit hours, but for right now I was content to simply hold my mate and listen to him breathe.


End file.
